Published October 11, 2011 by St. Martin’s PressWhen Sarah Murray’s father died, he left behind a file whimsically entitled “How to End It!” containing instructions for what Murray and her family were to do with his remains. A lifelong atheist, he believed that after death, the body was merely “organic matter” to be disposed of, and he insisted that his family should not hold a memorial or gathering after his passing. It came as no small surprise to Murray, then, when her father’s instructions turned out to be remarkably detailed. “Atheism,” she remarks, “provides little guidance on how to deal with the end of life,” so where, she wondered, did her father’s interest in what was done with his remains come from?
Her father’s death–and his unexpectedly specific directives–prompted Murray to undertake a series of globetrotting adventures as she inquired into what our approaches to death–that most final of adventures–reveal about our “most deeply held philosophies, superstitions, hopes, and fears.” In other words, what does how we die say about how we live?
In a weeping ceremony in Iran, Murray sees the power of public displays of emotion–particularly in contrast to the “stiff upper lip” philosophy of her native Britain–and the utility of ritualized mourning to give expression to the inexpressible and provide a framework for coping with the difficulty of loss. The party atmosphere at a Balinese cremation rite leads to a discussion of cremation practices around the world; research into ancient embalming techniques brings about an exploration of contemporary open-casket funerals.
From the Ingresso Catacombs in Palermo to a cemetery outside Hong Kong to a coffin maker’s shop in Ghana (she orders a personalized coffin in the shape of the Empire State Building), Murray contemplates our connection to the bodies of the dead and our need to make arrangements for what will happen when we die. “No longer convinced of spiritual eternity,” she posits, “it seems we’re starting to look for it on earth.”
Throughout Making an Exit, Murray emphasizes the importance of community and of stopping to mark the passage of a life, whether by sitting shiva or sacrificing a pig or holding an all-night vigil. And by framing this well- and widely researched book (Murray quotes experts ranging from Stiff author Mary Roach to quintessential funeral researcher Jessica Mitford) in the deeply personal narrative of her father’s death, she strikes a pleasing balance between edification and reflection, gently inviting readers to consider their own ideas about “how to end it.”
Originally published in Shelf Awareness.Related posts:
The Sunday Salon 9.4.11—The Perks of Being CuriousJust Read It: SKIPPY DIES by Paul MurrayBook Review—Curtains: Adventures of an Undertaker-in-Training by Tom JokinenBook Review: This Will Kill You by H.P. Newquist and Rich MaloofNot quite a book review of THE POSTMISTRESS by Sarah Blake Filed Under Book Reviews2 Comments -->Comments2 Responses to “”
Jac @ For Love And Books onOctober 11th, 2011 11:14 am This sounds like an interesting read. Despite his being an Athiest, to me it is bothersome that he would specifically state that his family is not to have any type of ceremony or service. I could understand wanting something non-faith oriented. But to me? Funerals/Memorials are for the living and not the deceased. It’s a time for closure and to mark the ending of a life.
I may have to pick this one up; as I am interested in how other cultures mark these milestones in life.
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Klara onOctober 11th, 2011 7:21 pm i want to pick it up, it seems to be really interesting. although im a christian, i was always interested in these rational, atheist thinkings. the death of a father must be a spiritual thing for an atheist, too. it isnt just the law of the nature. a part of our soul is going away than…
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