Thursday, March 31, 2011

Book Review: OTHER PEOPLE WE MARRIED by Emma Straub

2011 at 5am     Posted by Rebecca Joines Schinsky

Published February 2011 by Five Chapters Press

Say hello to Emma Straub’s debut short story collection Other People We Married, and kiss your preconceived notions about short fiction goodbye.

Let’s be honest: there are short stories that reinforce the idea that the genre can be pretentious, inaccessible, and abstract. I know.  I’ve read ‘em. You probably have too. Or maybe you haven’t touched short fiction at all since high school. Or ever. Whatever your experience with short fiction, you’d do yourself a favor by spending an afternoon (and really, that’s all it will take) with Other People We Married.

Straub’s collection, full of the kind of quirky, flawed, believable characters that will remind you of your friends, your colleagues, and yourself, begins with “Some People Must Really Fall in Love,” in which a young writer attempts to fight her attraction to a student by dating a real Grown-Up Man (who owns a house and everything) and ends up reflecting on the strange in-between-ness of the stage of life during which one is technically an adult but doesn’t feel like it yet.

Then there’s the young mother in “Rosemary” who hires a pet psychic to find her lost cat in an attempt to convince herself that “everything was going to be perfect, just like in a magazine: glossy and impossible.”  And there are the sisters in “A Map of Modern Palm Springs” who carry their sibling rivalry into adulthood, and the adolescent girls who experiment with crossing the boundaries of friendship in “Pearls.”

In “Abraham’s Enchanted Forest,” a teenage girl whose parents have raised her in their amusement park, considers the ways in which her parents’ choices have shaped her life and plots her escape.

It was almost too much to bear, the thousands of choices that led up to Greta’s existence. It just all seemed so unlikely.

And in “Fly-Over State,” about a young couple who have recently moved to Wisconsin from New York, the woman, Sophie, faces the disparity between the life she imagined and the life she has made.

I never imagined we’d actually leave New York…We were settled. There were never any boxes in my daydreams.

Straub’s characters wrestle with identity and struggle to reconcile the reality of who they’ve become with who they imagined they would be, and she explores loss—and the things loss makes us willing to believe in—with subtlety and clever insight. In “Puttanesca,” my favorite piece in the collection, characters who have both lost a spouse are set up by their therapist and face the painful process of moving on together, and they do it with vulnerability, sensitivity, and a lovely sense of humor about themselves and their situation.

In fact, that is true of most of the characters in Other People We Married. The pieces in this collection are filled with Straub’s sly and charming sense of humor—take for example Sophie’s observation in “Fly-Over State” that “Our house was the only rental on the block. Maybe something unseemly had happened there: adultery, Judaism, modern dance”—and this turns her exploration of difficult emotions into an enjoyable and satisfying reading experience. And when, in “Marjorie and the Birds,” an older woman takes up birding with the thought that it “didn’t seem like a hobby at all, but like agreeing to be more observant. She’d always been good at paying attention,” readers will note that Straub, too, is good at paying attention, and it shows.

Other People We Married is keenly observed, deeply felt, and an absolute delight to read.  Straub’s characters are authentic, and they live in the real world, with all its weirdness, uncertainty, and “well, this isn’t what I expected it to be”-ness. If you can make it through these pages without wanting to find Emma Straub and put her in your pocket, you’re a stronger person than I. Highly recommended.

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Comments3 Responses to “”

Alex George onMarch 31st, 2011 8:04 am

Great review, Rebecca. I know nobody’s supposed to admit this, but I share your misgivings about much modern short fiction. This sounds like a perfect antidote, though. Thanks for putting it on my radar!
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bookspersonally onMarch 31st, 2011 8:06 am

These sound wonderful- I love a good short story collection. I have heard a lot of buzz about her/the book, but this is the first review I’ve gotten to read- thanks, really look forward to reading them.
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Rebecca Joines Schinsky onMarch 31st, 2011 8:45 am

Don’t get me wrong—I love short fiction. But I hate its reputation, and I’m always thrilled to find a book that proves the popular misconceptions wrong. Hope you enjoy it!

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Sunday, March 6, 2011

Feng Shui Tips for 2011 the Year of the Rabbit

by Reiko Gomez

 chinese temple

Welcome to the year of the Rabbit! Are you ready for a fresh new start? I am! Let’s look at what this year means for you, for your home, and for the world…

FENG SHUI IN THE WORLD

To sum up this year in one line: “Slow and steady wins the race”

You know the story of the tortoise and the hare who are racing to the finish line? The hare mocks the slow moving turtle and pulls out ahead, only to take a nap and awake to find that the tortoise has crawled across the finish line first.

One moral to the story is that being consistent, even though it might be slow going, is ultimately more beneficial than rushing ahead to “get it done.” This being the year of the Hare, its good to remember the lesson he learns: patience and persistence.

This year is symbolized by the elements Metal and Wood. In general, it is a gentler year than we have recently seen, however in Feng Shui, metal cuts wood, so the Rabbit year can have a spirit of peacefulness with mounting conflict under the surface.

On the world stage, we may see growing disagreements among countries which could lead to problems. Specifically, this energy could lead to attempted assassinations of world leaders, or surprise attacks. (I do not wish this on anyone, and hope that the knowledge of this year’s energy will help people act with patience and compassion.)

The year is strong for issues regarding justice, and could be a year that we see advances in human rights issues.

Here in the US, President Obama is supported by the year of the Rabbit, and we could see this as a year when he is rewarded for his diplomatic efforts.

On Wall Street, the energy of 2011 is slow and steady for growth, with a nice surge during the summer months.  Nothing groundbreaking, but the housing market could see a bump up.

year of the rabbit

FENG SHUI IN YOUR LIFE

Based on Chinese astrology, the signs that are lucky in this Rabbit year are the Dog, the Pig, and the Goat. If you are one of those signs, its time to push outside of your comfort zone and go for your dream!

(To find out your Chinese Astrology sign, check out this site. )

Those born in the year of the Tiger, Horse, Dog, or Rat may have some exciting romance starting in 2011!

The Rabbit year is a strong year for romance in general. However, it can also lead to unwanted consequences such as affairs or scandals. Be careful.

If you are born in the year of the Rooster or Rat, take extra caution this year to protect your health.

FENG SHUI IN YOUR HOME OR OFFICE

Now let’s look at our homes and offices.  Below are Nine Feng Shui Tips, corresponding to the eight compass directions, plus the center of the space. Where possible, try to use the suggested element for each area. But if that is impossible or impractical, use the color which corresponds to that element.

(Note: If you have received a personalized Feng Shui consultation from me, please contact me for a personalized 2011 annual update. This will allow you to maximize the power of 2011 in your space!)

EAST area:
This area of your home or office can be difficult for money, or possible theft. This is also not a good area of your home to do construction on in 2011, as it could lead to accidents. Add METAL to improve this area. (Items made of chrome, brass, iron, or stainless steels OR colors gold, silver, grey or white.)

SOUTHEAST area:
Could be good for romance, creativity and academics this year if you Add WATER such as a fountain, aquarium, OR colors blue or black.) Note, without the water element, it is actually quite weak in these same areas, so get that water running!

SOUTH area:
Weak for health, especially for women. Add METAL to improve this area. (Items made of chrome, brass, iron, or stainless steels OR colors gold, silver, grey or white.)

SOUTHWEST area:
Good for romance! Add WATER and METAL elements to strengthen further. (See SE and South sections, above, for suggestions.)

WEST area:
A good area for money and career growth. Also strong for romance. Make sure to work or sleep in this area if possible. You can enhance it further by Adding EARTH. (Crystal, stone, ceramic or marble items, or colors orange, yellow, tan or brown)

NORTHWEST area:
This area receives the award for Best Feng Shui in 2011! Fantastic for fame and wealth. No remedy is necessary, but could Add EARTH element to promote wealth. (See West section for suggestions).

NORTH area:
This area is mixed, with the possibility of growth, but also problems with legal issues or theft. Remove Water and Add FIRE to protect the good energy of this space. (Fire can be candles or the colors red, fuchsia, or purple.)

NORTHEAST area:
Could be good for money and property, just be careful to avoid high risk investments. No remedy needed.

CENTER of your space:
Good for business. Add EARTH to enhance. (Crystal, stone, ceramic or marble items, OR colors orange, yellow, tan or brown.)

The above recommendations are general suggestions, and while they can certainly be useful, their effectiveness will be enormously enhanced once they are set in the context of the home or office’s individual Feng Shui reading. I offer customized consultations both in person, and online.  The results that my clients have seen have been quite spectacular – highlighting the power of true Feng Shui.

May the Year of the Rabbit bless you with peace, prosperity and abundant good luck!

Share on FacebookPatricia Wadzinski

I am always impressed byt he general insights and the specificity of personalconsultations with Reiko

Vickimgivens

Wonderful ideas, going to add some metal and water right away!

Reiko

Thank you Patricia ~ happy New Year!

blog comments powered by DisqusNavigation -->About me
I love exploring how our physical space can help us to manifest our dreams. In this blog we'll go deeper with design, creating homes and lives that fulfill our visions. Visit My WebsiteLatest blog entriesBefore and After Pics and Feng Shui Tips for using RED in your spaceFeng Shui Design goes on TVMoney Making Feng ShuiA preview of the Year of the RabbitInspirational BlogsAll the BestAll This is Grace and CharmApartment TherapyBeach Bungalow 8Beach VintageDécor 8Design SighDesign SpongeDesire to InspireKatie DidLaw of AttractionTEDThe City SageVelvet & Linen Search My BlogFollow MeMe in the news...Kimora: Life in the Fab Lane Kimora: Life in the Fab LaneLos Angeles Times: When Casting the Couch Los Angeles Times: When Casting the CouchReiko on CBS News Reiko on CBS NewsThe New York Times: Feng Shui Remedies Slideshow The New York Times: Feng Shui Remedies SlideshowThe New York Times: In Search of the Just-Right Desk The New York Times: In Search of the Just-Right Desk

Reiko Feng Shui Interior Design Copyright 2010

Before and After Pics and Feng Shui Tips for using RED in your space

by Reiko GomezReikoDesign35 Entrysmaller This is a perfect moment to explore the power of designing with red. There is an excitement, a drama, and in Feng Shui, a lot of good energy associated with this color. My clients are often intimidated by the idea of painting a room red, but once it’s done, they usually want more of it!Here are a few of the ways I’ve used red in my designs, the Feng Shui reason why I chose the color, and why you might want to try it, too.

EXAMPLE 1:  Living Room: Using RED to transform a wasted space into a wonderful place

living room beforebefore BEFORE: This area was little more than a storage closet in a cramped downtown apartment. P9020004 AFTER: Adding red helped to define the room and turn it into a place that the family now loves to relax and watch tv.

TIP: To ensure that red walls don’t feel overpowering, its good to break them up. I often do this by hanging large artwork, and in this case I added mirrored closet doors to bounce light into the windowless space.

EXAMPLE 2: Retail Store: Using RED to attract money and increase sales

cropped main beach cashier before BEFORE: At the Main Beach Surf store in East Hampton, we needed to create a cashier area in what was a “hole in the wall” between two rooms.Main Beach after AFTER: I used red grass cloth on the walls around the check out counter. Rather than paint the walls red, the natural texture of grass cloth fit with the outdoor feeling of the store.

TIP: Red is associated with wealth in Feng Shui, and placing red around the cash register of a business can enhance sales.

EXAMPLE 3: Foyer: Using Red to draw good energy into the home

Foyer Before BEFORE: The entrance of this midtown triplex was downright depressing. ReikoDesign35 Entrysmaller1 AFTER: Painting the front door and walls fire engine red, and adding an exciting light fixture that bounces fun patterns off the walls, energized the foyer. I also added a new powder room door and white marble flooring in the bath to add to the glamour.

TIP: While a personalized Feng Shui home consultation could reveal an even better color for your front door, as a general rule, painting your front door red draws good energy into the house.

I hope this gives you some ideas for using red in your space, and helps you see that far from being overpowering, red can be absolutely empowering. Happy Valentines Day!

Share on Facebookblog comments powered by DisqusNavigation -->About me
I love exploring how our physical space can help us to manifest our dreams. In this blog we'll go deeper with design, creating homes and lives that fulfill our visions. Visit My WebsiteLatest blog entriesFeng Shui Tips for 2011 the Year of the RabbitFeng Shui Design goes on TVMoney Making Feng ShuiA preview of the Year of the RabbitInspirational BlogsAll the BestAll This is Grace and CharmApartment TherapyBeach Bungalow 8Beach VintageDécor 8Design SighDesign SpongeDesire to InspireKatie DidLaw of AttractionTEDThe City SageVelvet & Linen Search My BlogFollow MeMe in the news...Kimora: Life in the Fab Lane Kimora: Life in the Fab LaneLos Angeles Times: When Casting the Couch Los Angeles Times: When Casting the CouchReiko on CBS News Reiko on CBS NewsThe New York Times: Feng Shui Remedies Slideshow The New York Times: Feng Shui Remedies SlideshowThe New York Times: In Search of the Just-Right Desk The New York Times: In Search of the Just-Right Desk

Reiko Feng Shui Interior Design Copyright 2010

How to Turn Dating Agony Into Sales Success

image of guy on couch with roses

At some point in your life, you’ve had one. I’ve had one. Everyone’s had one.

I’m talking, of course, about a really awkward, torturous, embarrassing first date.

You misread a cue and leaned forward for a kiss when your date was just reaching forward to grab their laptop bag.

You find yourself with nothing to say for a full ninety minutes, and sit in agonizing silence as you get increasingly desperate looking for a way out.

The agony of a bad date for most people is matched only by the agony of a really bad sales call. Thankfully, I’ve got a few methods that will help you avoid both.

Just like customer relationships, selling and dating have some striking similarities:

If you really, really need a sale (or a date) the likelihood of you getting some action drops significantlyIf you have the thought “I have to make this one work,” in the first interaction, you will crash and burnSelf-confident individuals who enjoy the process have the best outcomes

Early on in my consulting business, I had the good fortune to work with Skip Miller, experienced sales trainer and author of ProActive Selling.

Skip helped me to get over my own fear of selling by teaching me the natural steps in the sales process that totally match the needs of your prospective customer.

Step One: Initiate

This is the very first time that you meet a prospect. It could be an in-person meeting or an online one. Maybe you ran into this person at a networking event, maybe you’re looking at their website, but this is the first impression each of you is making on the other. During that time, there is only one important question you need to answer:

Is there a reason to keep talking?

If you and your prospect have a lot in common or complementary interests and needs, it’s likely one or both of you is interested in taking things to the next level. Calmly and confidently invite them to meet with you formally — kind of like a first date.

In a professional sales situation, this goes something like this:

It was great meeting you, Tom. From what you described about your event, I may have some more ideas for marketing and promotion. Do you want to chat more about it next week? When would be a good time?

Online, you can initiate that same meeting by inviting them to “Call me to learn more” or “Send us an email to set up a free consult.”

If there’s no chemistry, there is no need to play out an awkward sales version of a dating dance, where you politely agree to first, second and third meetings even when you both know that you don’t have much to offer one another. Tell this prospect that you don’t think you’re a good fit for the project, and wish them luck finding the right person.

And if you happen to know someone who might be a better choice, go ahead and set them up with a simple referral. “The project isn’t a good fit for me, but my friend Suzanne might be excellent for you — would you like her number/website?”

In dating and in sales, there’s no point in wasting time when you aren’t right for each other. After all, there are plenty of fish in the sea. In fact, the goal of an effective sales process is to get rid of bad fits as quickly as you can, so that you can continue to fill your sales funnel with more qualified prospects.

Step Two: Educate

While you’re actually on that first date (a phone meeting, consult over coffee, lengthy email exchange), you’re in the Educate stage. This is when you’re going to:

Learn as much as possible about your prospect’s situationFind out if he has the money and time to work with youDetermine if you could deliver value to him with your solution

While you’re finding all of this out, be on the lookout for any information they’re asking for that is above and beyond “first date” material.

For example, if you were on your first date with a nice person who abruptly asked whether you’d like to have kids, that might be a bit of a red flag. After all, you haven’t even determined yet whether you’re enough of a match to consider kids.

Similarly, if someone asks you for a price quote or proposal before you’ve had the time to get a full background on their situation, it should raise some alarm bells. First you need to learn a little more about one another so you can find out if more serious planning is in the offing. That’s what the Educate stage is for.

Good questions to ask while you’re “dating” a prospect:

What do they want to do?Why do they want to do it?When does it need to get done?What will change for the better in their life or business if they work with you?What does success look like in their view?

And in turn, they’ll want to find out from you:

Can you really deliver on your promise?Do you have the capability and resources to solve their problem?What have you done for others before?Are you trustworthy?How do you work?What do you charge?

In the online businessworld, you’ll be communicating this information to each other in all kinds of ways, including:

A phone call/emailA detailed “intake” form on your website where you ask specific questions to potential clientsResearch on websites, Twitter, LinkedIn profiles, and/or Facebook pages to see what they are about and who they connect with (note that this works for both sides)Well-organized case studies, samples, or testimonials on your websiteGoogle searchesTalking with your past clients or customers (and remember, for better or worse, Twitter makes it easy to find past clients who’ve worked with you)

At the end of the Educate stage, you should have a pretty clear idea whether the two of you are a good fit for one another. If you sense they feel the same way, you can confidently invite them to the next step of the sales process, Validate.

Otherwise, you can make the same graceful retreat we talked about in the Initiate section — say you don’t think you’re a good fit, and possibly recommend them to someone who might be a better match.

Step 3: Validate

At this point, the relationship is beginning to take shape. Now it’s time to make sure you’re both on the same page.

Though you’ve gathered lots of information during the Educate stage, you’ll to clearly lay out exactly what you expect from the relationship and what they’re expecting from you.

It’s time to decide if you can make a commitment. So lay out in an easy-to-understand format like a project proposal:

The scope of the workThe specific value and benefit of the work (return on investment, saved time, reduced risk, better brand, etc)Roles and responsibilities (what they’ll give you, what you’ll give them)A specific time frame for the project

In dating, this step often shows up some holes in the relationship — you want to see him twice a week, he wants to see you every day. Arguments ensue.

To avoid arguments in your professional relationships at the Validate stage, put everything in writing and make sure you’re clear before moving forward.

If some disagreement comes up during this point in the proceedings, don’t make the mistake of compromising too much. If the price is not working for your client but you are not willing to lower it, that’s a dealbreaker. Time to nicely end the relationship and point the prospect toward another potential match who might be willing to meet their terms.

Step 4: Justify

Now that you both know you’re serious about this business relationship, it’s time to make a proposal.

There are a number of ways to ask for the sale, but you need to be the one to ask. If you’re waiting around for the prospect to ask you if they can give you money, you’ll be waiting a long time.

Here are a few ways to ask for that sale:

Send a formal proposalInclude a payment link in an emailSend them to a page on your website where they can purchase what you are offeringDescribe the offer with the full benefits and value proposition in a sales letterDirect them to a very clear “Purchase” buttonStep 5: Decide

The purpose of the last step in the sales process is to ask for a decision, Yes or No.

Although it seems like a small detail, it actually causes a lot of stress for people new to sales. (And maybe for you.)

The problem is, if you don’t ask for a decision, your prospect floats out to what Skip Miller calls “Maybe Land” — they have your proposal, you think they want to work with you, they know exactly what they need to do to make a purchasing decision … but they’re not getting back to you.

In relationships, this is a little bit like someone saying they need “space.”

You sit and stare at your phone, refresh your email twenty-two times a minute, and slowly go from strong, confident ninja to insecure, miserable failure.

Take control. If you didn’t get a firm yes or no, nicely let them know that you’ll need to move on if they can’t make up their mind.

Tom, I sent you a proposal for our project. In order to meet your deadline for April 15, we need to make a decision if this is a go by February 21. If we decide later than that, I am not sure I can fit you into my production schedule.

So what happens if February 21 comes and goes and you don’t have a decision?

Move on. Consider that this project is in Maybe Land, and it may never get out.

You may want to chill out and wait to see if they get back to you in a day or two. Or you could go back to the Educate stage and make sure that you have clearly communicated the scope and value of your offer.

Whatever you do, do not call or email them every day. You are worth more than that! Get out there and meet someone new — someone who can hold up their half of the relationship.

Desperation was never good for dating, and it is worse for selling.

Happy Valentine’s week!

About the Author: Pamela Slim is the author of Escape from Cubicle Nation: From Corporate Prisoner to Thriving Entrepreneur. She has blogged at Escape From Cubicle Nation for the past six years. You can find more practical sales tidbits in her new program, Ethical Selling that Works.

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Find out more about the framework featuresCheck out the Genesis demo and the variety of child themesSee example designs in the Genesis design showcaseBookmark and Promote!Like this post on FacebookSubscribe to CopybloggerBookmark on del.icio.usDigg this postStumble this postFurther ReadingHow to Sell More EthicallyWhat Aristotle Can Teach You About Ethical Blogging10 Effective Ways to Get More Blog SubscribersCopyblogger Weekly WrapEmail Marketing Strategies that WorkSites That Link to this PostTweets that mention . My guest post on #weekoflove -- Topsy.com | February 16, 2011 How not to appear as a desperate suitor when selling your services | Escape From Cubicle Nation | February 16, 2011 Written Under The Influence of Caffeine | Rachael Acklin, the Caffeinated Elf | February 16, 2011 Weekend Wrap #1 | February 19, 2011 What Writers Can Learn About Selling That Works From Dating | Ghostwriting News | February 21, 2011 Yael’s Variety Hour: Tools, Business & Media Woes — Yael Writes | February 23, 2011 5 Good Quick Reads for Small Business Owners | February 25, 2011 CommentsRandy Kemp says: February 16, 2011 at 9:14 am

Pam:

We had a good Valentine Day day presentation on how dating is like a business relationship. This presentation continued with that theme and did a great job.

You know what would be a good future topic (now that you mentioned it)? How to write a good proposal. While I believe I perfected it in my business, I like to gather more great ideas and presentations.

I wonder if dating and business sometimes has the element of spontaneity? In other words, the two dating or business partners just hit the “right chemistry”?

Randy

ReplyPamela Slim says: February 16, 2011 at 11:21 am

Great point Randy! There is truly an art to well-written proposals. Most of the juice comes from doing a great job in the Educate and Validate stage, and summarizing priorities, outcomes and value well.

I totally believe in chemistry too. And I think you can help chemistry by getting really clear about who is your ideal client. I wrote a recent post about it:
http://www.escapefromcubiclenation.com/2011/01/05/your-2011-marketing-planning-in-a-nutshell-avatars-ecosystems-and-watering-holes/

All the best,

-Pam

ReplyDanny Iny says: February 16, 2011 at 9:38 am

The post’s introduction gave me flashbacks of awkward first dates! (thankfully behind me, with a wedding in the offing)

I think this is a great analogy; there are so many parallels between romantic relationships and customer relationships – in how they are developed, how they are cultivated, and where they can ultimately go.

I agree with Randy that “chemistry” is important in business, too – but I don’t know how spontaneous that has to be; a lot of it is about reading the customer and being attentive to their needs (easily ported to a different context, I know!).

ReplyPamela Slim says: February 16, 2011 at 11:23 am

Tell me about memories of awkward dates Danny!

I am with you on “assisted chemistry” – being clear on who you are looking for, and looking in the right places.

ReplyDanny Iny says: February 16, 2011 at 12:20 pm

Oh, I don’t want to go into too much detail… ;)

Seriously, though – actually, I’ve found that most times that a first date sucks, it’s because one of the parties isn’t trying to do their share of assisting the chemistry (if both sides aren’t, then everyone’s on the same page and the date ends early).

Much like a customer relationship scenario, when the customer expects you to do all the work (which is possible, and sometimes necessary, but won’t result in great chemistry).

ReplyDaniel Roach says: February 16, 2011 at 9:44 am

Another great example of how human interaction on a micro level translates perfectly to business on a macro level. It also occurred to me as I was reading that these 5 steps are very close to the lay out a long form sales letter: 1. State the problem. 2. Educate on problem 3. Present solution 4. Establish your expertise / present your deal 5. Call to action.

This post is thought provoking on a lot of levels, Pamela, thanks.

-Daniel

ReplyPamela Slim says: February 16, 2011 at 11:24 am

So true Daniel! I am the newcomer to the world of sales letters, learning from my master teachers Sonia and Brian. I am so familiar with selling services since I have done it for 15 years. But it really does translate when selling online — and if you match the needs of the sales cycle with your sales letter, you will be more effective!

ReplyKeith Gilmore says: February 16, 2011 at 9:54 am

Great article! I’ve actually used the metaphor of dating to train and help sales people I’ve worked, so I really appreciate your insight. Thank you!

ReplyPamela Slim says: February 16, 2011 at 11:27 am

Me too Keith! This is actually the first time I have been explained the correlation in detail, even though I have talked about it for 5 years. :)

ReplyHector Cuevas says: February 16, 2011 at 10:10 am

Awesome article Pam. This one line (“the goal of an effective sales process is to get rid of bad fits as quickly as you can”) is the answer to most people’s fear of asking for the sale, and getting a ton of unsubscribes from their email newsletter.

Not everyone will be a right fit. We have to accept the fact that your prospects might not be looking for what you have to offer, or that their circumstances might have changed. The only thing that is unacceptable is losing the sale to your competitors – that really sucks. :0)

appreciate the info Pam, thanks

ReplyDanny Iny says: February 16, 2011 at 10:13 am

I agree. Actually, we published a post about exactly that a short while ago, if anyone cares to read it: http://www.firepolemarketing.com/blog/2011/01/10/fire-proof-selling-post-1-of-7-an-earnest-exploration-of-fit/

ReplySonia Simone says: February 16, 2011 at 11:05 am

Sometimes it sucks to lose a sale to a competitor, and sometimes the competitor is just a better fit and you need to find *your* right customers.

If the positioning is right, I find that true “competitors” sort of disappear. If you’re an iPhone person, the droid isn’t really a competitor … they’re for Droid people. And if I “lose” a customer to Dan Kennedy, for example, it’s because it’s a Dan Kennedy customer, not a Copyblogger Media customer. (There’s a bit of overlap, but just a bit.)

I’d rather stress over creating a better experience for the people who are a perfect fit for us.

ReplyHector Cuevas says: February 16, 2011 at 5:10 pm

I see what you mean Sonia; the iPhone – android example made it clear. Thanks.

ReplyPamela Slim says: February 16, 2011 at 11:30 am

So true Hector, getting rid of bad fits up front is a HUGE part of being an effective salesperson. I have really changed my thinking on this one in recent years — I used to get kind of bummed when I saw people unsubscribe after I sent my newsletter out. Now, I see unsubscribes and think “rock on! they were obviously not a good fit for me, and I was not providing value to them, so now I can focus on those who really want what I have to offer.”

And I am with Sonia — If someone goes with a “competitor,” I have the same feeling as with the unsubscribes — not my person. Or at least right now — I have had many cases where someone chose to hire someone else, but then came back later to get some coaching or training.

ReplyHector Cuevas says: February 16, 2011 at 5:16 pm

That’s the attitude we need to have, or we could end up driving ourselves crazy; wondering what the hell am I doing wrong!!?

Same here. Clients have told me that they’ve bought this and that product, or have gotten coaching from this and that person – The best thing we can do is believe that the timing was right for them and they saw the value in what we had to offer.

appreciate your response

ReplyAlex Neill says: February 16, 2011 at 10:13 am

I had many a terrible date before I was married, thank god my wife came along!

A very unique twist and tie into dating and selling, and it’s actually very clever and works well.

I have actually noted down your points, ok I did the layz way and pasted it into a notepad file, but the questions are ones I want to remind myself of when email marketing and selling.

Thanks for a unique and refreshing post that was actually helpful too.

Alex

ReplyPamela Slim says: February 16, 2011 at 11:32 am

Thanks Alex, so glad you are happily off the market. :)

If you take the time to map out your specific sales process, and what you do at each step, it makes it so much easier! Especially if you use technology to help organize things and keep them efficient.

I am really glad you found the post helpful. Now go sell! ;)

ReplyEric D. Greene (artist) says: February 16, 2011 at 10:24 am

A real good analogy there… true that desperation can find it’s way to show up even in unspoken interactions, and that in turn can end in not getting what was wanted.

ReplyPamela Slim says: February 16, 2011 at 11:33 am

That is how we know we are part of the animal world Eric — dogs can smell fear, and prospective customers can smell desperation.

The funny thing is the more you truly own the fact that you don’t desperately NEED customers (lots of fish in the sea), the more attractive you are. :)

ReplyJax says: February 16, 2011 at 10:46 am

“Maybe Land” :-) I’ve sent a lot of customers backpacking in “Maybe Land” because a part of me just can’t bear to ask for the sale. I’m getting better though.
Great post! Thank you.

ReplySonia Simone says: February 16, 2011 at 11:06 am

That can be a hard one to learn. :) I liked Pam’s approach because she’s not one of those natural salespeople — she’s more like me. :)

ReplyPamela Slim says: February 16, 2011 at 11:41 am

That is a great point Jax — how funny that WE can be the ones to keep things in “Maybe Land.” The best advice that I can give is that it becomes much easier to ask for a sale the more you practice.

And it doesn’t have to be dorky like “Jax, I need to know TODAY if you are going to work with me.” it can be “Jax, I really think I could help redesign your website, and would love to do it! In order to set my production schedule, would you mind telling me by Friday if you want to go forward or not?”

ReplyChris Johnson says: February 16, 2011 at 11:14 am

I have always loved the dating analogy.

Now, let’s talk about what happens after a first date. If you’re interested in a long term, wonderful relationship you’ll act in a certain way. If you’re after “one thing” you’ll act in another way.

I’m thinking of one click upsells. The first “buy” is your first date. And what would you think if a suitor, immediately after the first date was arranged put a proposal in with obviously manufactured pseudo-scarcity?

“Hey, Darling, I’m SO GLAD you decided to go out on a date with me. That’s what smart people do! However, you know, time’s winged chariot and all, you must ACT NOW if you want to get blissful lovin’….which includes a backrub, but ONLY if you act now. That’s right, you know, I’m going to be middle aged soon, so that backrub won’t be freely given, and you’ll be raked over the coals for it soon. But you’re smart, you’ll make a commitment right now.”

If we think of people as a long term relationships–instead of one night stands–we’ll act differently.

And you’re right, the stink of despair is the best repellent ever.

ReplyPamela Slim says: February 16, 2011 at 11:42 am

So true Chris!

It feels so yucky to be courted with a breezy, easy style, then to get big, slimy moves as soon as you surrender your email address. :)

ReplyJoanna says: February 16, 2011 at 11:15 am

Great article!

I have to disagree with asking about kids on the first date, however :)
It’s good to get the deal-breakers out of the way!

ReplyPamela Slim says: February 16, 2011 at 11:43 am

HAH Joanna — I bet you have no problem screening out “Maybes” early in the sales process by saying “So, Pam, before we get to far, to you actually have money to pay for my services?”

(the equivalent to the “do you want to have kids” question)

Deal-breakers are great. The more robust your qualifying questions are, the more success you will have closing the right sales.

ReplyAndrea LaGrow says: February 16, 2011 at 11:36 am

Thank you, Pamela, for laying the groundwork for a business plan, or a website. I love your analogy too. I have never seen someone lay the foundation so clearly before – A leads to B leads to C. etc. This article really clicked for me and was one of those “aha!” moments. I didn’t just bookmark it – it’s printed out!

ReplyPamela Slim says: February 16, 2011 at 11:49 am

I am so glad you enjoyed it Andrea!

I have Skip Miller to thank for introducing me to the steps in the sales process. If you want a lot more background and tools, you can check out his book ProActive Selling:
http://www.amazon.com/ProActive-Selling-Control-Process-Sale/dp/0814407641

Good luck with your business!

ReplyRonald Sieber says: February 16, 2011 at 11:52 am

Pamela:

Cute analogy that is also very appropriate. I kind of already use it in business, so this blog is a nice affirmation that others are thinking & doing as well.

I think I’ll apply some of it to my dating to see if I have any better luck there. Hah!

All the best!

ReplyPamela Slim says: February 16, 2011 at 11:56 am

Ronald, maybe you can write the follow up post: “How I used my success in sales to land great dates.” ;)

ReplyRob says: February 16, 2011 at 1:10 pm

Love the question- What does success look like in their view? Sales people, well all employees should ask this question!

Thanks
Loved the blog

ReplyShane Arthur says: February 16, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Dating analogy for the win. And if we’ve prepped ourselves in the mirror prior to your tips by using Sonia’s 100 ( http://www.copyblogger.com/101-conversion-boosters/ ) the sales are ours. ;)

ReplyVaclav Gregor says: February 16, 2011 at 3:34 pm

I agree with the “there are plenty of fish in the sea”. People don’t realize that we do not live in the world of scarcity, but in the world of abundance. It’s important to shift this belief and once we do that, new opportunities begin to rise in front of our eyes.

ReplyAllison Bliss says: February 16, 2011 at 4:54 pm

fun perspective on sales/dating, Pam. Reminds me about a piece I did on this topic about a decade ago (so old phone, lots of old marketing advice: http://www.allisonbliss.com/newsletter/archives/marketing-is-like-dating.htm), but we are certainly aligned in our concepts. Funny, one of my clients told me years ago we were likeminded, that we should connect. Hmm, now I know why :)

ReplyMike Cormack says: February 17, 2011 at 6:11 am

Nice piece – and dead on about the similarity of the methodologies. For me personally, I find the process very nerve-racking – guess that’s why I was a terrible salesman (and am glad I’m married now!).

ReplySteve@Internet Lifestyle says: February 17, 2011 at 10:35 am

Pamela,

You make some great points. Sales and dating ARE totally tied around the concepts of confidence and an inverse of how much you seem to need it. Desperation is a stink that scares away all potential suitors. Taking the steps to at least seem as is if you are not desperate and full of confidnce can radically improve your chances of success.

ReplyIvin says: February 17, 2011 at 11:32 am

Great analogy Pamela.

I like you saying ‘If there’s no chemistry, there is no need to play out an awkward sales version of a dating dance, where you politely agree to first, second and third meetings even when you both know that you don’t have much to offer one another. ‘ It will save you a lot of time.

Replydesignexpertise says: February 17, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Excellent piece, very well done – I really love the analogy.

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